YWednesday, November 23, 2005 Y
I am Truely , Deeply & Madly in Love with You
i am damn pissed off. damn angry. with a pinch of hurt inside. sometimes i do wonder. does i mean anything to the ppl out there. to my family. if one day, i am gonez.. will anyone noticed. will i make a diff in anyone's life.. i give so much.. yet i dun get anything in return.. it give no motivation for me to give anymore.
was searchin thru the kitchen today for my herbal tea, couldn find so i ask my ma. end up she say, "u dun drink so much, i put into the fridge for ya bro le" WTFF !! i only drank ONE FACKING MOUTHFUL 2 DAYS AGO NIA ! N SHE SAY I DRANK ALOT !! sometimes i feel that they are really biased. whats the point in brewing my share for herbal tea, n seperate in 2 bottle, one for me, one for bro. when after 2-3 days, u will pour my share into bro's bottle. i am a slow drinker. i like to keep my drinks for mani days taking sip by sip.. u knew dat.. but yet. u heck care n give all the herbal tea to bro ONCE AGAIN. I reali feel like tellin u rite in the face dat u n dad r juz facking biased !!
since young, i have always tried my best, be top in the class every year, get scholar award, best student in sch etc. but u 2 dun give a damn. u never praise me for all my hardwork. u guys onli got bro in ya heart. he is in the bottom of the class. the lv. u guys always praised him. say he is gd. he is clever. but me. y i never get my share. i am so tired of this shit. u refuse to let me tk the course that i wanted, even thou i get thru my personal interview le. fine. since getting gd grades wun get any "ken ding" from u guys.. y should i study hard n some more in a course dat i dislike. even when i working nw. pay damn little, but i still make it a point to give u guys $ n u all tk it for granted. coz bro no need. so i need to give. wtf. he worked longer den me, pay higher.. he dun give u all say nvm, i say i dun give also.. i kana scold. say i unfilial.
since young, i always sided my bro, everything he wan i help him, i help him tell lie to let him sneak out of the house, i help him keep a look out while he steal ya $, n i help him kana all the thrashing n beating. he skip sch , i also learn. yet, to u, he is the good, i am the bad. till nw.. all dat he say u all believe, but never in me.
u always say i am stingy with $. but who is the one, who saved up all the ang bao $ since young n all the scholarship $, but willingly give up all the $ in my bank acc to pay for dad's debt. did bro help? no he din. who is the one, who see dad commit suicide, took a cloth silently whip away all the blood, spend the whole nite kneeling in the hall, infront of the god n pray for his safety. who is the one, who on the same line with u, hate the "hu li qing" n refuse to talk or accept anything from her, n even broke the bdae she give me n threw it outside the window.who is the one, when dad is hospitalize, everyday without failed, will rush from sch from work, to tk a taxi down to hospital n wait for the operation to be over n to go visit dad with u. its always me. where is bro. every yr w/o fail, u will get a pressie from ya kids, its always me, who use the effort, to rem, to get sth for u n hopefully u like. yet. all the thanks goes to bro.
i so much wanted to tell u all this straight in the face, but i din, coz i still love u guys as my parents, even thou u dun give me any freedom, i tell myself, coz i am a ger, u all cared for my safety.. i give myself excuses for all that i dun get from u. i know if i tell u all this straigh in the face, u will cry, i dun wan to see u cry.
life is so unfair... do i mean a part to anyone.. i guess not..
:: Ah Ber ::
